So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
