i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
