My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
