I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize