Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
