remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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