Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
