dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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