I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
