My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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