I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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