isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
