Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
