I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Randomize