Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
