I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
