When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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