So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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