hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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