his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
