i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
