i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
