i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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