nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
