I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
