He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
