If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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