He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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