I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
