Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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