That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
