I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
