I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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