I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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