he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
