Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
