Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
