she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
