Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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