if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Randomize
