I think I am morally bankrupt
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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