Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
