i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
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