flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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