no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
