I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Randomize
