my room smells like sperm. sweet.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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