I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
