My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
