People with herpes should wear stickers.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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