My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
