I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
