Is it normal to miss your booty call?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Sext me about skeletons
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
dude. I can hear the air.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
