I heard we made out
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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