I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
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