guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
So many bounce houses so little time
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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