I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
