question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
