I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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