When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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