You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
