I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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