I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
