i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize