Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Hippo gnu deer
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
