note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
