i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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