it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He better not be in your backpack
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
