so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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