We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
