It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
