At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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