He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
