i need an iv and a liver transplant
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
