After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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