I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I hope mine doesn't look like that
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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