Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
