Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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