got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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