i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
