Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
