So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
