so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Four minutes until I can fart!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
