Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
