Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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