He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
