I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
