she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
