I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
