No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
