I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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