Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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