i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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