i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
