She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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